When the chips are down

Gordon Farrer discovers the difference between winners and losers in high-stakes poker.

WE'VE been playing Texas Hold 'Em for a couple of hours and it's the last hand before a break. For a poker tournament newbie the pace is quick and confusing. I'd started with $1000 in chips and been down to $75, but I've managed to rebuild my pot. I now have just over $1600 in front of me and feel more at ease.

I've got two cards in front of me. I take a peek. Just once, quickly. I'd read that looking at your cards for too long was a sign of weakness (it suggests you're hoping that if you look at them long enough they'll improve). A pair of fives. Not huge, but I'm in a good position on the table to play them. I decide to act cool and not look again.

The bets go around and I raise. Four others match the bet. I hit three-of-a-kind when the dealer turns up another five.

I check the faces and body language of my opponents. The Irish woman on my left is rock-still, unwilling to look me in the eye. At the far end of the table a young bloke with a pierced eyebrow and a red visor is pouring Red Bull down his throat; he's shaking but has plenty of non-poker reasons to be.

To my right an elderly Hungarian couple — he a debonair silver fox, she elegant and friendly — chat amiably. "I'm very worried about you, young lady," the fox jokes to the Irish woman. "You make me nervous." They're much too calm to be holding big hands. I'd back my triple fives against this table any day.

I go all in, pushing my chips into the middle. So do the others. There's well over $9000 in the pot, the largest we've seen so far.

The last card is turned. It's another five, giving me an unbeatable four-of-a-kind.

I've played tens of thousands of hands on my computer and have watched hours of poker on pay TV but today's game, part of the Melbourne Poker Championship at Crown Casino, is only the second time I've played against humans. To prepare, I read Poker for Dummies on the weekend and spent an hour at one of the casino's learn-to-play tables with a couple of experienced players picking up tips.

Still, nothing quite prepares you for Crown's Poker Room. It's surreal, especially during the day when your head is still outside in the sharp autumn sunlight. The decor is ornate but not stylish; gaudy but not quite Las Vegas. Clusters of tiny lights glow in galaxies across the ceiling, creating a comfortable, conspiratorial dimness. The clack of chips mixes with table talk, laughter and distant music. Occasionally a table erupts with the excitement of a busted big hand.

The room has nearly 60 tables, making it one of the biggest in the world, certainly the largest outside the US. In the past decade, the casino estimates that more than 15 million poker hands have been dealt here.

The event I'm participating in is a satellite session with the reward of entry into the main game of the championship. It's open to all; $25 gets you a seat at a table and $1000 in chips. If you get knocked out you can buy in again for another $25, as many times as you like. Many of the players are regulars. Some dress as though heading to the opera, others as though for the footy. They greet each other and the pit staff by first name. There are Europeans, Asians, Anglos and Middle Easterners. Quite a few are couples. They all have the air of experienced players, comfortable in the subterranean environment.

At the learn-to-play table, poker pro Emad Tahtouh had explained that players with a good hand look nervous, their hands shake with adrenalin. Bluffers usually can't make eye contact; they force themselves to appear calm so they don't trigger what he calls the "calling reflex".

A Melbourne local, Tahtouh has made big dollars in tournaments around the world, including a career-highlight second in the European Poker Tour in London in 2006, in which he won more than $1 million. His advice is something to trust.

Rosa Lamattina, who got hooked on poker during a visit to Las Vegas in 2004, is a regular player who makes money from the game but hasn't given up her day job. She says bluffing is hard for women. Her poker-cum-feminism theory would make an interesting field of study.

"Our make-up doesn't allow us to (bluff)," she says. "I think men lie a lot more easily than women, so they can pull it off more easily. There are a lot of good female poker players who are very good at bluffing, but it takes practice." Apparently, Botox helps.

I feel confident about my four fives. The betting over, we show our cards. Suddenly, I'm looking at a pair of fours. Huh? Where are the fives? Oh, hang on. That was my previous hand.

The elegant Hungarian lady wins after snagging a straight. She looks surprised.

So that's it. After two hours of concentration and seat-of-the-pants survival I'm out in the blink of an eye.

Where did I go wrong? I knew about poker tells, the physical signs that someone's bluffing. I knew a good hand from a bad hand. I knew when to hold them and when to fold them. But in the end, under the pressure of a high-stakes tournament, I didn't know the difference between a pair of fours and a pair of fives.

The Melbourne Poker Championship at Crown Casino ends on Sunday.

Disclosure: The author spent $27.90 on how-to-play-poker books and lost $50 of his money researching this story. He has not yet told his wife.

Tell-tale signs in poker
Professional poker players look for signs of a good or bad hand in opponents' behaviour. Here are four classic signs.

The shake: Trembling or changed breathing patterns are a sign of an adrenalin rush and usually indicate players are holding a big hand. Back off.

The shrug: Shrugs and sad voices suggest players are trying to talk down their hand. Look out.

The stare: Players who stare at you while you think about calling their bet usually don't want you to call. Go for it.

The peek: Players who quickly look to their chips after looking at their cards have seen something they like and are planning their attack. Beware.

News Added: 21 May, 2008

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